Rats!
Moments before I was about to take Suzie’s advice, which was to order coyote urine on the internet and spray it in the attic to discourage squirrels from partying there, I invited a nice man with an extermination company to take a look in the attic.  This is what he found. Roof rats. Lots of them.Â
When I asked him how big they were, and his hands spanned wider than a foot, I said, “Excuse me, I think I’m gonna be sick.”  Then, my thoughts wandered to just how they get all that urine out of coyotes, and I was okay again.
I happen to know many of you have excellent rodent stories we’ll all enjoy!Â
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January 31st, 2008 at 4:25 pm
When we lived on McCormick in South Highlands I saw one run across the fence that looked like a big cat. I didn’t know rats were that nimble.
January 31st, 2008 at 5:54 pm
I know what Mel is talking about, when I was a kid our house was surrounded by cotton fields and there were rats in their that looked like a cat. I forget what the called them.
January 31st, 2008 at 6:17 pm
I swear to you I am not making this up…3 minutes ago I saw a fox in my drivway!
January 31st, 2008 at 6:33 pm
That was LindsAy.
January 31st, 2008 at 7:14 pm
I had a rat once that came into our kitchen and would get into the food and didn’t give a damn what anybody thought. He or she was actually arrogant. It was in a cabinet and I came up behind it and banged on the counter and it turned and looked at me and continued eating!
I was horrified and convinced this thing was possessed so I left the room to gather my thoughts and what little courage I had left and went back with a baseball bat. It had left.
A few days later this demon rat was in the corner on the kitchen counter next to the microwave in a catatonic state. It sat there, eyes closed and was shaking. This scared the Hell out of me. I banged and made noises and nothing happened. Now I’m so panicked I’m actually hyperventilatiing.
About that time my wifes sister came over for breakfast and I called one of the exterminator companies. (I had zero courage to face this thing.) We closed off the doors to the kitchen and while we were eating breakfast in the dining room the exterminator guy comes out of the kitchen and says that the rat was really weird and he had not seen anything like that before.
He then asked if I had a broom he could borrow. Next we heard VERY LOUD banging in the kitchen. When that stopped he opened the door and asked if we had any paper towels. The paper towels were in the kitchen.
When I went in the kitchen to get him the paper towels it resembled the crime scene from the Manson murders. There was blood splattered everywhere. The idiot beat the rat to death with the broom handle!
Blood was on the microwave, which I IMMEDIATELY threw out, and all over the walls.
My wife was not very pleased with what went down so she called the exterminator company and asked if it was normal procedure for one of their employees to bludgeon a rat to death in someone’s home. They assured us this was not the normal procedure, so therefore no charge. Lucky us.
Bludgeon Man wanted the paper towels to pick up and throw away the rat. We still had to clean everything up.
I could tell the tale of the night the squirrels attacked from the chimney threatening to kill everyone in the house but I’m too traumatized from reliving this event to go into that right now.
January 31st, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Riveting, rt! Gather yourself and when you’re ready, bring us the squirrel story!
January 31st, 2008 at 7:39 pm
I have a good friend who is a Proctologist. He has some interesting rodent stories. I won’t share them here.
January 31st, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Thank you, HRB.
January 31st, 2008 at 8:02 pm
ok first this is a TRUE story….when i was in college and was on the baseball team i also helped around the stadium…washing uniforms and mowing the outfield stuff like that…one early spring we had a rat problem..and a bad one they where getting in guys lockers eating gloves,gum,chewin tobacco..it was bad.coach instructed me to set out traps those big rattraps….so that night late locking up and traps set…i started to leave when i heard a trap go off…i couldnt belive i had got one that fast…upon comming round the corner of the locker room ..the sat a rat caught in the trap…but he was so big it had poped him good but he still had some fight in him some how he sprang to life flipped over on his belly trap on his back and made a run right at ME!….well i ofcourse ran away….straght to the dorm to tell my narrow escape…none of the guys seemed that inpressed and i was told to get my purse and go …..that morning only hours later i met coach at the door..i quickly recounted the story…he was pleased we where startin to fight back….but when we opened the door there in the hallway lay the trap….me and coach looked at each other in horror….there the trap sat with bloody little smears around it …and firmly pinched in the trap was the rats head and backbone running allthe way down to the tip of his tail…….THE OTHER RATS ATE HIM!!!!!…..cannibal rats….true story
January 31st, 2008 at 8:05 pm
sleep with one eye open to-night sherri
January 31st, 2008 at 8:08 pm
jj…might get my purse and go! I hear them up there now. Maybe Mr. Exterminator Guy and I should switch houses for the night.
January 31st, 2008 at 8:13 pm
nah just take a broom and bang on the ceiling and holla at them like the people in new york do on tv….say “Keep it down you nympho vermin”….
January 31st, 2008 at 9:11 pm
jj…..your quote>>”ok first this is a TRUE story”
January 31st, 2008 at 9:12 pm
jj are you suggesting my story wasn’t true?
January 31st, 2008 at 9:12 pm
I’m coming over to beat the Hell out of you.
Wait, you may have rats. I’m not coming over.
January 31st, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Yeah, Suzie…that was me in your doorway, gurl. Thanks for slamming it in my face.
I have no rat stories.
Although, I once went head-to-head with a butterfly.
January 31st, 2008 at 9:21 pm
YOU GUYS BE GOOD! I AM LEAVING TOMORROW FOR MARDI GRAS IN NEW ORLEANS…I WILL BE BACK MONDAY…
(no, i’m NOT flashing anyone…)
January 31st, 2008 at 9:22 pm
P.S.-That rat look like “Ben”. You’ve killed Ben!
Ben, the two of us need look no mooooore. We’ve both found what we’ve “Ben” loooooking fooooor….
January 31st, 2008 at 9:23 pm
rt ….take a deep breath …your flashbackin…its common when youve been in a traumatic sitiuation…i was not implining your story was UNTRUE only through the years people have not belived MINE…and for good reason ive been known to strech the truth for laughs who hasnt right,,,but this really happened ….cannibal stadium rats thats what we have to be on guard for…(i own the movierights to that)….tag line no one can hear you scream in the upperdeck
January 31st, 2008 at 9:25 pm
I AM NOT KIDDING! THIS WAS IN MY BED JUST NOW! I TOOK PICS…TAKE A LOOK!
http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=27196359
January 31st, 2008 at 9:25 pm
lindsAy pick me up at 7:46am ill bring my jester outfit
January 31st, 2008 at 9:33 pm
i live in south highlands. old money, upscale rats live here too. ironically i live on ratcliff street. one night many years ago i shot and killed a rat in my bedroom. long story but here go’s……..
11:30 pm on a saturday nite……..after making sweet, sweet monkey love to my wife, she retired to the bathroom (as ladies will do) and i fired up a smoke. bathroom door is cracked and letting in light to the bedroom…..out of the corner of my eye i saw movement on the floor by the parakeet cage and spied mr. rat eating the birdseed that the bird thrashed out of the cage during the day. i uttered a gentle oath and quietly warned my wife of the intruder….she stuck her head out of the bathroom and asked why i was screeching and cursing. i calmed a little and told her what i saw, and she informed me that i was on my on with the situation and slammed the door. our bedroom was upstairs and i had a habit of leaving a window slightly up for fresh air. a oak tree is near the window and i can only assume that the rat got in that way. anywhooooo…..i grabbed a nearby yardstick and set out to thrash the intruder. well folks, never bring a yardstick to a rat killin! i broke the yardstick the second swipe and the rat spazzed out and ran everwhere but out the window. having just done the horizontal mambo i wuz nekked. and nekked i thought, is no way to fight jumpy , fast rats. i slipped on my wranglers (real cowboys wear wranglers) and headed for the closet and my trusty 22 rifle. i actually own what is called “ratshot” , little 22 shells crimped on the end with small pellets in the shell. they wont shoot thru three sheets of copy paper but will kill a rat if u get close enough . end of story….two shots later the rat wuz dead and i had a amall powder burn on the bedroom wall. wife cursed me for leaving the window up and i cursed back for not vacuuming up the birdseed. i threw the rat corpse behind the neighbors garage (im like that) the bird cage was put downstairs in the living room and i vacuumed up the birdseed from the carpet. the marrage lasted about 9 more years…aint it funny how time slips away??
January 31st, 2008 at 9:35 pm
linds….did you flash him ?
January 31st, 2008 at 9:40 pm
cuz it looked like you must flashed him very sssllooowwwlllyy…hey dont forget to pack your t-shirt that says”ill be using these to my advantage”……..be safe have fun
January 31st, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Have fun in the big easy darlin’.
February 1st, 2008 at 9:09 am
My shirt says “don’t make me use these…” I’ll bring y’all back some beads!
Sher, BE GOOD…
February 1st, 2008 at 12:12 pm
jj, LindsAY, get a room.
February 1st, 2008 at 11:09 pm
If you want to keep rats & racoons out … throw moth balls into your attic. This works great for these rodents. I have hawks in my hood that takes care of other pests.
Good luck
February 1st, 2008 at 11:19 pm
I was just reminded (nothing to do with rats — as far as I know) but try to get to Minden and bid on items to help the fund raiser for Saint Jude Hospital — they are hoping to raise over a million this year !!!
I know the kids will thank you for it!
February 2nd, 2008 at 10:31 am
“Squirrels in the attic” really sux, but “hawks in the hood” is probably fatal.
February 2nd, 2008 at 10:46 am
Win, what an awesome fundraiser in Minden. They raise more money per capita for St. Jude than any other event in the U.S. Thanks for the reminder.