Someone tell me why we thought it was funny in the 70s to draw coneheads on ourselves?  Several perfectly good pictures, with stellar examples of fashion at its best…ruined for life. 

In this Poloroid, the gold coneheads really don’t do a solid job of distracting you from the beehive Mom is sporting or the layered lingerie look I’m attempting.  And hey, you still get the message here:  Nothin’ beats a quilted robe in the hot sun.     

I’m sharing this story with you so you don’t have to go through the horror I experienced.  Please, people, learn from my mistakes and have a fruitful life before it’s too late!

I was blogging when The Boyfriend brought his puppy, Blue, over.  Spuff was not amused. 

In all the cat-dog chaos, I set my laptop on top of a burning candle.  Not on purpose. 

The Boyfriend, a firefighter, asked what was burning.  I said, “I’m not cooking anything tonight that smells like toxic plastic.”  Then I noticed my laptop, rapidly melting around the flame of the candle.  

What now?  I’m sitting two feet away from a fireman and nothing’s sinking in by osmosis.  Do I stop, drop and roll?  Implement my escape plan?  Begin crawling on the ground to avoid the heat and smoke?  Do I get some baking soda? 

It’s sad that all these options had to run through my mind before I actually removed the computer from the flame. 

But hey, I’m not blaming myself.  I’m blaming the school system, my parents and our government for not having the foresight to drill laptop fire relevant phrases like, “Stop, drop and roll” into my memory bank.  I mean, what catchy phrase comes to mind as a course of action when you think of laptop blazes?  See!   The empty set!  Oh sure, Texas gives every child a laptop in the classroom.  But do they teach them what to do in case they burst out in flames?  No.  They don’t.    

It’s one thing for a kid’s laptop to combust in flames, but what if it were you?  You’d be forced to talk on the phone or actually meet with someone face-to-face!  OMG!

So, that’s why in addition to opening a discussion forum here on what we can do as a community, city, nation and world to end the senseless burning of computers, I’ve started a for-profit organization called, “My Laptop Is On Fire, So Now What Do I Do?”  Or MLIOFSNWDID? for short. 

Here’s how it works.  With my new internet upgrades since the fire, you can leave your suggestions for how to handle a laptop fire, including catchy phrases that can be taught in our schools, under comments.  As soon as your comment is posted, your bank account will be hit for the cause.

Do it.  It’s for the children.    

The following actually happened.  Some of them involve me.  Some involve my sister.  Ever done something we need to hear about? 

You’ve attempted to iron at least one item of clothing with a hair flat iron because it was already plugged in.

You’re at work, you cross your legs in a meeting, only to reveal a Cling Free sheet sticking out of the cuff of your pant leg. 

You’re late to your spin class.  You’re the teacher.  You can’t find a hair tie.  A spinner asks you why you’re using a thong to tie back your hair. 

At a loss for words during a wedding toast, you suddenly blurt out into the microphone, “And now, I’d like to sing a song for you.”   

You have to go to the ER on the one day the hem of your pants fell as you were leaving for work.  The nice array of safety pins around your hem is attracting a lot of attention from medical staff. 

You took half of an Ambien, but didn’t go immediately to bed as instructed.  Before you finally crashed, you brushed your teeth with cortisone. 

You’re 16-years-old, reading a book at the dinner table with your family.  You come across a word you don’t know and ask aloud, “What’s a ****?”  Your younger brother and sister know what it is.

My sister’s cat, Sam Jackson, is very interesting.  He’s crosseyed, gay and pees in the toilet.  Here he is exhibiting the latter of the three.  More on his other quirks in another post. 

So, apparently this is not uncommon.  Sammy taught himself.  Can cats be taught to do this?  Or is it just something some do?   

My sister/one of our commenters, Suzie Talley, and Bruce Seelinger just got engaged.  I was in NC this weekend and got Bruce’s take on becoming a member of our family. 

I ran across this picture of me, HRB and Suzie on vacation somewhere and I suddenly realized why I force myself to go shopping before I leave town for any reason.  Whatup with the hard shoes, no socks and turtleneck?  No wonder in almost all of our vacation pics, we look very uncomfortable.  And well, what we used to call queer.

HRB apparently had to attend a business conference that day.   Points for Suzie for rockin’ the sailor top near the water.  She’s always had fashion sense.  Look at how she’s trying to distance herself from HRB and me.

That’s probably our dad in the background walking away like he doesn’t know us.

So, I’m in the ER today in a hospital gown and a male nurse says to me, “Hey!  You doing the Firecracker 5K in the morning?”  I paused and said, “I might sit this one out…you know, since I’m here and all..you know, like, right now and stuff…and all.”  I didn’t know how to respond, so in my search for the right words, somehow I came out with Valley Girl lingo.  But who can fault the guy for asking a question to which the answer is obvious…This guy rides his bike to work!  He can do no wrong. 

Anyway, this is an awesome race/run/healthwalk!  All the proceeds go toward the American Cancer Society.  It’s become such a cool tradition here.  Some 3500 people show up and crowd the streets of South Highlands.  Sportspectrum’s goal:  more than 4,000 participants tomorrow!

The details:  It starts at 8:00 a.m. in the parking lot of Mall St. Vincent.  If you aren’t already registered, it’ll cost you $20.  Great t-shirt, great post-race party, great cause!  For more details, go to www.sportspectrumusa.com.  

Got peeps in town?  Get ‘em up early and go meet your neighbors. 

KTBS 3 Meteorologist Joe Haynes came in 17th last year!  The first 100 males and first 60 females get cool beer mugs.  I have two in my freezer from previous races.  This is an event that’s fun to watch, run or walk. 

Happy 4th of July!

KTBS 3’s Rob Brennan did this awesome story on Casey.  It aired last night.   That’s fine if you want to stop watching before you get to the part where Casey talks about me being older than dirt.    

Casey Allen

Harassment is still ensuing when I ride my bike to work.  Morning Guy Ed Walsh thought it would be funny to put a big basket on my bike so I would be ready to do laundry down by the river in Indonesia. 

I know.  I know.  The panniers (or saddlebags, as you people like to call them) are not my style and very noticable.  More safety, Dude.  And this is not about fashion!  It’s total function.   But, I may give in to peer pressure and get different ones because even Chris Redford said they just weren’t right. 

I’m getting the hang of this now.  I’ve invaded Fletch’s clothes closet for space to put extra clothing.  I’d love to hear what you like/dislike about commuting to work on your bike.  Me:  When I run, I can tell my legs are getting stronger from biking.  When I take off for work, I feel so free.  It’s a great way to start and finish the work day.     

I’ll be keeping a total soon of how much $ I’m saving by doing this.   Anyone have employers who are making it easier for you to commute (providing a place to put your bike, offering shower facilities)?    

Okay, fine!  I try and try to be the first to throw breaking news at you.  Nothing.  You don’t care.  I thought I might have been the first to tell you there was a recall petition against Governor Jindal.  Oh, but no!  You don’t want serious news here, do you?  It’s all bottled up inside me and you’re just sayin’…”No thanks…take it somewhere else, anchorgirl.”   What do I get?  A big fat “0″ in the big orange comment box.  Oh, that makes me feel great going into the weekend after a stressful week of reporting, anchoring and commuting to work on my bicycle (and being harrassed for it all the way).   

I will never jeopardize my news credibility to interest you.  I want you to know that. 

Oh, this giant bra landed on an ArkLaTex interstate this afternoon.  Three people were injured, but they reportedly said they didn’t mind.