What?  You think I can’t read what you’re sayin’ here? 

I go outside and all, and even though I can’t catch squat, I hear things.  So what I’m heavy set?  Most of the nation is.  I don’t see you makin’ fun of cats without tails and stuff.  And where are all the Healthwatch 3 For Felines programs? 

Somehow I think all this ridicule started either when Trish came over for Christmas Eve and was shocked at my ability to block her exit with my sheer presence or that one time when I sat on Hazel and Jimmy and Child Protection was called. 

Anyway, just know that CALICO now stands for Cats Are Loved Inspite (sp) of Casual Obesity.  

The 2009 Krispy Kreme Challenge in Raleigh-Durham, NC was sweet.  More than 5,500 people showed up to run two miles, scarf down a dozen glazed doughnuts, then run two more miles.  I think I’m gonna be sick.

A st.com commenter, who happens to be my sister, Suzie Talley, finished 27th among the females.  Sure, Su’s a great athlete, but it was her technique at the turnaround that made the big difference.  As she approached the doughnut table, she grabbed six doughnuts, squished them together, poured water on them and chowed down.  Then, again.  After a day of recovery, Talley said, “It ruined my day as far as how I felt physically, but it was for charity and I had placed a bet with someone and had to win.” 

Talley tells tales of fellow runners not being able to keep their carbs down on the two miles back to the finish line.  Talk about ‘glazed and confused’. 

The event raised more than $35,000 for the North Caroline Children’s Hospital.

Here in Shreveport, we could do a ‘Tazed and Confused’ race here for charity.  Runners could race two miles to the Stray Cat bar in downtown Shreveport, get tazed, then run two more miles to the jail.  It could be sponsored by the movie industry, with proceeds going to a bail fund.

A red tail hawk mistook me for a field mouse.

A bee flew in my helmet when I was cycling.

I tried to round up a stray horse on my bike.

One of the biggest joys of a workout or race is sharing bizzare incidents.  Whether it’s during a 5K, an Ironman or an hour at the gym, something happened to you worth sharing.  I know this.   Bring us your post-run/bike/swim/treadmill stories. 

And yes, that’s a picture of Meteorologist Joe Haynes on a pink little girl’s bike on Clyde Fant Parkway.     

Got one?  Is it a new approach for ‘09.  For life?  What works for you?A leading market research firm reports no recession in eating out during this economically tough time.  Have you ditched the health club membership or changed anything else?

You know, legend has it that you can burn about 120 calories an hour by blogging. 

It happens to all of us.  Spuff has gained weight during the holidays.   So much, I wasn’t sure whether to post the picture of her or the pic of the pig I took at the livestock auction.  They look the same to me. 

I’ve put on quite the “winter coat”.  My justification:  Hell, Santa does it! 

Where’s my inspiration not to let a few pounds sneak in?   Where is Mike Huckabee and his healthy marathon self when it comes to an obesity program for Jolly Ole St. Nick?  And my Ironman sister is oh-so-loving and accepting…Heck…I need a boot camp. 

And, “Oh, I see how it is with Santa.”  It doesn’t matter how healthy someone is if they’re doling out gifts, especially in a time of economic uncertainty.   Who cares whether he’s around next Christmas…let’s just get through this one! 

How much do you “go with it” when it comes to eating holiday fare and how much do you restrain and take the attitude of, “Hey, just another day.  I’m stickin’ to my healthy habits?”       

I’m not sure if you buy this, but this is what I learned to do today!  It rocks!

It’s not official.  We’re awaiting drug test results.  But Hazel and Jimmy have apparently each nabbed the gold in some yet-to-be-announced event.     

Rumor has it that Hazel got drunk, fell off the high dive and accidentally didn’t make much of a splash on her entry.  That vaulted the little trollop to the top of the rankings. 

I also heard from a solid source that Jimmy was tested for probable use of performance enhancing drugs (compensating for the blue dress).

Rumors are all I have to go on since the creepy babies’ cell phones were confiscated by the Chinese government.  Anyone know their events?     

I’m considering selling my racing bike because it just hasn’t raced in about four years.  That’s a very long time in bike years.  And Suzie took all the good biking genes in our family.  And we’ve both had lots of close relationships with the pavement.     

Okay, maybe they weren’t that dramatic.

I’ve always loved swimming and running.  Not so much biking.  After the bike portion of my last triathlon, I asked someone to please throw my bike in the lake.  

But it wasn’t the bike’s fault!   

My problems with bike racing started when I was very young.  This picture was taken at the beginning of my very successful career of bike crashes.  I’m still sporting the stitches scar under my chin where I rode this bike off the porch. 

Oh sure, I started out with the right equipment.  Look at those disc wheels!  And with a frame that small, who needs carbon fiber or titanium?  

I think my problem is one of cycling attire.  From a very early age on, I just never got it right. 

 A fluffy dress and sweater buttoned at the top equal lots of wind resistance.  Good thing I was able to shave minutes off my time with that sleek haircut. 

Remember when we were talking about CrossFit?  Just do a search here or head to the fitness category to your right to refresh that groggy memory. 

Red River CrossFit is offering a free Saturday morning 9:00 workout at AC Steere Park in Shreveport. 

The organizers, who are fit and not cross, say they’ll accomodate all ages and all levels.

I’m considering whether I can get up that early, but may give it a shot. 

Oh, Mel, thanks for letting us use the pic of your bicep here.  

So, I’m in the ER today in a hospital gown and a male nurse says to me, “Hey!  You doing the Firecracker 5K in the morning?”  I paused and said, “I might sit this one out…you know, since I’m here and all..you know, like, right now and stuff…and all.”  I didn’t know how to respond, so in my search for the right words, somehow I came out with Valley Girl lingo.  But who can fault the guy for asking a question to which the answer is obvious…This guy rides his bike to work!  He can do no wrong. 

Anyway, this is an awesome race/run/healthwalk!  All the proceeds go toward the American Cancer Society.  It’s become such a cool tradition here.  Some 3500 people show up and crowd the streets of South Highlands.  Sportspectrum’s goal:  more than 4,000 participants tomorrow!

The details:  It starts at 8:00 a.m. in the parking lot of Mall St. Vincent.  If you aren’t already registered, it’ll cost you $20.  Great t-shirt, great post-race party, great cause!  For more details, go to www.sportspectrumusa.com.  

Got peeps in town?  Get ‘em up early and go meet your neighbors. 

KTBS 3 Meteorologist Joe Haynes came in 17th last year!  The first 100 males and first 60 females get cool beer mugs.  I have two in my freezer from previous races.  This is an event that’s fun to watch, run or walk. 

Happy 4th of July!