It’s not official.  We’re awaiting drug test results.  But Hazel and Jimmy have apparently each nabbed the gold in some yet-to-be-announced event.     

Rumor has it that Hazel got drunk, fell off the high dive and accidentally didn’t make much of a splash on her entry.  That vaulted the little trollop to the top of the rankings. 

I also heard from a solid source that Jimmy was tested for probable use of performance enhancing drugs (compensating for the blue dress).

Rumors are all I have to go on since the creepy babies’ cell phones were confiscated by the Chinese government.  Anyone know their events?