Shreveport, LA (ST News)  Plastic Deer Season is right around the corner.  I found one of the seemingly easy-to-nab animals right in my own neighborhood.  I snapped the picture, made some noise and all I got was that deer-in-the-headlights look. 

The season for archery for Louisiana Area 2 begins October 1st. 

The possession limit for plastic deer is higher than it is for the ones God made.  Although the neighborhood breed is more affected by flooding (they’ve been known to float off), they reproduce at a rapid rate.   Hunters in the Broadmoor neighborhood have expressed frustration with the ineffectiveness of deer corn in luring the polymer deer to a specific spot, but seem to delight in the ease of preserving the heads of this breed for mounting. 

An added community benefit to hunting this type of deer is that, according to the mayor, the parts you don’t skin and clean for the dinner table can be tossed into your new blue recycling bin.    

Release date:  October 29th, 2008. 

Several locals are in this movie.  KTBS 3’s Trish Williford has a line.  I play a reporter who doesn’t speak (don’t you wish the movies were real).  Anyway, here’s a glimpse.

Thanks to Talley Talker Sparky for alerting us to this article in today’s The New York Times.  Click here to read it.

I have received four letters and am trying to connect with my neighborhood group on this.  Your experiences so far with the Haynesville Shale? 

Have you seen this sign on Youree Drive in Shreveport?  It’s been like this for several months.  How much can it cost to light up two more letters?  Maybe a solution will come from the mayor’s economic summit this week.

Congratulations to Tommy for winning the latest Caption Free For All contest!   This is good because the winner gets a picture made with Hazel and Jimmy and a sherritalley.com t-shirt.  And hey, Tommy’s obviously in need of a shirt. 

Thanks to everyone for excellent, sarcastic entries!  

Here’s the photo with the winning caption.  Look for another Caption Free For All very soon!

“The publisher rejected Tommy’s cover art for his new book, Dating After 50.”

Effective TODAY

Dress Code

1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor’s certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Holidays

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Compassionate Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.

In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.  We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use

1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the ‘Chronic Offenders’category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company’s mental health policy.

Lunch Break

1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Source: 

Funny and Quirky News and Jokes from Malaysia

Keep Dallas Pretentious, Keep Round Rock Mildly Unusual, Keep San Antonio Lame, Keep Lubbock Flat, Keep Houston Under Construction, Keep Houston gangsta, Keep Waco Wacko, Keep Tulsa Lame, Keep Abilene Boring, Make Austin Normal, Keep Austin Reading.

Ideas for Shreveport or your city?

I’m guilty of it.  You’re guilty of it.  But I’m more guilty of it because I’m way busier than you are! 

You know them well.  They’re the people who, at the slightest opportunity, complain about what they’ve been tasked to do in a one-upmanship way.   

They suck your aura.  And if you’re not careful, they suck you right in.

Here’s how it goes.  Worker 1:  ”Hi, Worker 2, how are you today?”  Worker 2: “I’d be fine if I didn’t have to (insert any task here).”  Worker 1:  “Well, I have to (insert more things to do than Worker 2 listed).”  Implied by both:  Don’t ask me to do another thing or I might explode and it’ll all be your fault!

The tone of their voice is much like that of Eeyore.  That is, until the busy one-upping builds in intensity and almost sounds like lively conversation.   

Neighbor 1:  “Hi, Neighbor 2.  Congratulations on your new job!”  Neighbor 2:  “Yeah, well. It’s going to mean a ton of work and I already have (insert anything here) to do.”  Neighbor 2:  “I know what you mean.  I have to (insert more things than Neighbor 1 has ever dreamed of doing).”  Neighbor 1:  “I have to do all those things at once!”   

How about Talley Talker suggestions on how to keep a busy off from ensuing.

Wow. It’s tougher to narrow this down than it is to snag a raw chicken from the side of a boat! Here we go with the final five. Pick your favorite caption and email it to me at stalley@ktbs.com.  Vote for yourself–it’s the American way! And thanks for playing! We’ll announce the winner on Monday.

Jim Roberts:  “Are you as tired of talking about the Haynesville Shale as I am?”   Clay Kirby:  “Shale, yes!”  07-16-08

“Fletch is like a woman sometimes.”  –James Anthony 07-16-08

“Don’t make me come over there and quote you.”  –Sherri Talley 07-17-08 

“I’m a compassionate guy.”  –Thomas LeValley, after slamming on the brakes to avoid hitting a vulture 07-21-08

“Zombies don’t like milk.  If you pour it out your front door, they’ll go away.”  –Casey Habich 07-24-08

“Is that powered by Yoo-hoo?  Oh, I mean Yahoo.  Yoo-hoo is the chocolate drink.”  –Sherri Talley 07-23-08