(STNews - Shreveport, LA)  With gas prices slithering past $4.00 a gallon, a local man says he’s discovered a new way to stretch the gold fuel.  “I was going to shoot this rattler.  Instead, I thought I’d see how the venom worked in the tank.” 

Talk about pain at the pump. 

From his hospital bed, the man, who asked not to be identified, said, “Hell, snakes still aren’t as scary as the price of gasoline!.” 

While many Americans say they’ve changed their driving habits, not this man.  ”Why sink thousands of dollars into buying a more fuel efficient car, when a little venom in your vehicle will take you farther?”  The man wouldn’t comment on earlier fuel experiments with copperheads. but said of cottonmouth snakes,  “I tried their venom in my motor boat, but it was ugly.  I found out Mr. Two Teeth doesn’t like it when you remove him from a big gnarly mating nest on the banks of The Red.” 

Seemingly unrattled by the results of his experiment, the man says he’ll continue his excursions into the wild.  ”I ain’t givin’ up!  If none of the snake venom from around here works, I’m not afraid to try nutria milk.  I know nutria ain’t from around here, but there’s plenty of them.  And heck, if they can nurse their young on their back, it might not be that difficult a thing to attach one to a fuel intake valve.   I’m always thinkin’.”