With all the movies being filmed here and the chance that Cyber Command might bring a whole bunch of people in (that ain’t from around here), it might be good to have some sort of guide for those not familiar with the hospitality offered (often against your will) in this area of the country.  These were forwarded to me in one of those mass emails.  I like them.  You might want to add your own in an effort to welcome our new residents! 

If you run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
 
Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store…. do not buy food at this store.
 
Remember, “Y’all” is singular, “all y’all” is plural, and “all y’all’s” is plural possessive. 
 
Get used to hearing “You ain’t from round here, are ya?”
 
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
 
Don’t be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can’t understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner’s vocabulary is the adjective “big’ol,” truck or “big’ol” boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
 
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
 
Be advised that “He needed killin.” is a valid defense here.
 
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, “Hey, y’all watch this,” you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he’ll ever say.
 
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn’t matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
 
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
 
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.  

 “I miss y’all.  I swear, there is no one in this building that I can talk to like this and not get myself slapped and my hair pulled.”–Colleen Spillane 11-07-07

Peggy (Sher’s neighbor):  “I’m sorry to hear that you reinjured your ankle.”/Sherri:  “Thank you.”/Peggy:  “I think the Lord just wants you to sit down.” 10-31-07

“Talk is cheap.  It takes pictures to get thrown off the air.”–Jim Roberts 10-25-07

“2700 Lindholm.  Person falls out in the middle of the street.  Chuck 21 on the way.”–Anntonette Dennis 10-24-07

“Do you think I would get in trouble at work if I drew a picture of a stick figure with a gun?”–Officer Billy Mott, SPD 10-23-07

“We should have gotten video of John Georges eating dinner at George’s.”–Chris Redford 10-16-07

“There’s nothing wrong with talking to yourself as long as you don’t go, ‘WHAT?’”–Jim Roberts 10-09-07

“I have no sense of sense.”–Lindsay Holman Atkins 10-03-07

“Music soothes the savage breast.”–A deacon at Trenada’s church 08-12-07

“I guess I just became bisexual…uh, I mean ambidextrous, and I got used to it.”–Gary Hines 08-13-07

“Daddy, you don’t need to worry about my life or the things that I do.”–Jackson Bain 08-01-07

“Did you guys hear I fell out of Earthlink today?”–Tim Fletcher 07-31-07

“It’s fun to have fun.”–Sherri Allen 07-30-07

“I couldn’t get my Ironman tattoo because I had to go to the U.K.”–Suzie Talley 07-27-07

“You can never have too much medication.”–Jim Roberts 07-06-07

The daily pace of life picks up speed with this New Moon in your 3rd House of Communications. But your schedule is more fluid than you prefer. Don’t worry, for this is just an indication that something is about to change. Although it might not happen overnight, the wheels you put into motion now will have great impact during the weeks to come.

Danny, that’s your horoscope for today.  Did it fit?  Anyone believe in theirs? 

Okay, a quick lesson is apparently needed.  (L to R) Danny, Suzie, Chris, Sherri.  Easter, 1973.  BTW, Suzie is the only one born without monkey toes.  She is ashamed.  Click on pic and look how she’s hiding them.  Chris’ left foot is more monkey-like than his right, as he displays it proudly.   

What was I thinking?  This site is all about dignity and I go and post a picture of my mature, professional brother wearing plastic pants that appear to be a size too big.  Here’s a much more composed, serious picture of Chris.  Nice turtle logo on your jumpsuit, Bro!

Bringin’ plastic pants back.  Just couldn’t post this right after Bama’s loss Saturday.  Happy birthday week, Bro!