For years, I’ve collected quotes from newsrooms where I’ve worked. Here are some of them. Enjoy!

Newsroom Quotes

• “It’s never too late for makeup.” —Jeff Jamison, meteorologist 01-16-02
• “At the state fair, it’s really easy to throw your corn dog stick on the ground because everybody else does it.” —Keith Hightower, Shreveport’s mayor 01-16-02
• “You go outside and practice falling down and I’ll be out there in a minute to finish kicking your….” —Sherri Allen, anchor/reporter 01-18-02
• “People don’t say sot and oaf like they used to.” —Craig Day, anchor/reporter 01-22-02
• “If you eat standing up, it doesn’t count.” —Melissa Parkerson, community affairs director 01-23-02
• “Authentic is such a fake word.” —Sherri Allen 01-30-02
• “Just because you’re laughing when you say it doesn’t mean others will think it’s funny.” —Chris Redford, reporter 01-30-02
• “I’ll say anything I can pronounce.” —Craig Day 02-01-02
• “I just got all hot.” —Janet Reno, U.S. Attorney General 01-30-02
• “Would somebody get the microphone off the drunk guy?” —Chris Redford, referring to a priest 02-09-02
• Colleen Spillane, producer: “I’m fixin’ to use this edit bay!”  Sherri Allen: “Is there enough toilet paper in there?” 02-13-02
• “When you got a garbage truck and a bottle of whisky, men will follow you, even if they’re the police.” —Nellie Johnson, assignments
• “It’s the case of a rare monkey that was stolen and traded for drugs.” —Gary Hines, assistant news director 02-25-02
• “Some people should never be naked.” —Christine Wong, anchor/reporter 03-01-02
• “I go into their cages to take care of them and they don’t kill me.” Tim Mills, exotic animal keeper 03-04-02
• “I can’t be quoted!” —Charles Hadlock, anchor/reporter 03-11-02
• “I don’t know about you, but I could have slept with a dead mouse in my mouth and my breath would have been fresher than it is now.” —Tim Fletcher, sports director 03-12-02
• Sherri Allen: “An oxymoron would be like, jumbo shrimp.” Randy Patrick, assignments: “Or, smart sportscaster.” 03-13-02
• “Lindsay, that’s a left handed bat!” —Kevin Fentress, tape operator 03-25-02
• “They’re going out of their way to recruit women so they can have a more broad based government.” —FOX News reporter 04-02-02
• “Half of those vehicles wouldn’t be driving so fast if they didn’t have so many cops behind them.” —Chris Redford 04-02-02
• Meg Green, producer: “Did I make quote of the day?”
  Sherri Allen: “What did you say?”
  Meg: “Nothing.”
  Sherri: “Well, then no.” 04-10-02
• “Stop the violets!” —Tim Fletcher, referring to Sherri and Gerry both wearing purple on the news set 04-12-02
• “Are you lactose intolerant?” pickup line overheard at a party 04-12-02
• The next eight quotes are from those who tasted manna bread healthy eater/reporter Barbara Stewart brought to work:
• “That’s tongue-scratchin’ nasty!” —Colleen Spillane
• “Can I blow a bubble with it?” —Darrin Wilson, master control engineer
• “It tastes like it was made with grass clippings.” —David Paige, photographer
• “I used to feed my horses better than this!” —Jim Lee, satellite truck operator
• “Manna means no taste!” —Viki Fentress, producer
• “Manna stands for, ‘Man, I left something outa this!’” —Gerry May, anchor/reporter
• “Leave it for the night crew. They’ll eat anything.” —Rod White, photographer
• “Prisoners sue for stuff like this!” —Randy Patrick, assignments
• “Yes, I would like to take a to-go order out.” —Jeff Jamison calling Chili’s 12-29-02
• “What are you doing, making a sandwich?” —Kevin Fentress to Barbara Stewart as she was writing notes on a stack of Post-It Notes. 09-25-02
• “Sure it’s complicated, but hell, it’s fun.” —Charles Hadlock, on air 09-30-02
• Sherri Allen: “Is that Barbara who got flowers?”
  Lindsay Holman: “That’s her lunch.” 09-23-02
• “It’s gone by pretty quick. It’s gone from six to three minutes in about….uh,
  three minutes.” —Michael Moore, photographer
• “My hair fell faster than a leaf in a Rick Rowe story.” —Sherri Allen
• “Bossier Police are still trying to figure out why they found a man dead.” —reporter on another Shreveport news station 07-24-02
• “Can you tell me what time the 10:00 news will be on?” —Caller 07-17-02
• “This city would be really deadly if people would learn how to shoot.” —Jeff Nitz, photographer 07-17-02
• Sherri Allen LIVE: “Sister, we’d like to present you with this plaque for your 50-years of service to Holy Angels.
  Sister Concetta: “Well, it hasn’t been 50-years.” 06-12-02
• “Why don’t they tax toilet paper or something everybody uses?” —Chris Redford 05-31-02
• Driver near a local hotel: “What’s going on here?”
  David Paige, on the scene, “Somebody just got shot.”
  Driver: “Are there any other hotels around here?” 05-21-02
• “I’m so glad I wasn’t in production today! I would have been shoved to the ground!” —Cazes Verbois, middle school intern, after breaking news 05-09-02
• “Like when I take percocet for my kidneys…all I can do is stare…I look like my poodle.” —Jim Roberts, reporter 04-24-02
• “If I had only one phone call from jail, I’d probably call Structure to see if an arrest would affect my credit.” —Chris Redford 04-16-02
• Mark Rowlett, meteorologist: “You don’t know all the reindeers’ names?”
  Lindsay Holman: “Dopey, Sleepy, Sneezy and Grumpy.”
  Mark: “No, those are the anchors.” 12-24-03
• “Oprah needs to feed those girls some sandwiches!” —Kevin Fentress, watching Victoria Secret models on Oprah 12-04-03
• “Polygamy is not high on my agenda.” —Jim Roberts/Thanksgiving, 2003
• “If push comes to shove, I could lose all self respect and become a reporter.” —Charles Barkley
• “You might want to throw an extra blanket on the fire tonight.” —Sherri Allen, on air 11-14-03
• “I’m just going to start thinking before I speak.” —Jody Lowery, anchor/reporter 11-14-02
• “If you ordered 20 pizzas, your pizzas are in the lobby.” —Sue, receptionist, station page 11-13-02
• “Hey, Sherri. Hey Tim Fletcher’s hair.” —Viki Fentress to Sherri, who was wearing a furry coat 11-07-03
• “You ate a salad? On purpose?” —Kevin Fentress 10-09-02
• “Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane.” —Dr. Donald Mack 10-09-03
• “There are beef cattle with more choices than I have.” —Tim Fletcher 10-01-03
• “Anybody planning on coming to Neima Felan’s baby shower, head to the lobby…let’s party!” —Sue, receptionist, station page 09-25-03
• “I have the metabolism of a sloth.” —David Paige 09-02-03
• “Did you know that Mike Smith (director) once rode through the Burger King drive-thru on horseback and ordered a Coke?” —Sherri Allen 08-26-03
• “You know, a ten foot bass would be like Orca….Orca Bass.” —Deep thoughts by Colleen Spillane 06-26-03
• “When do we get to start hunting out there at Chimp Haven?” —Kevin Fentress 05-30-03
• “Who took Charlie’s training wheels off his bike? That was low!” —AJ Willen, photographer, after Charles Hadlock’s bike wreck 05-28-03
• Jody Lowery: “Can what I said be the quote of the day?”
  Sherri Allen: “No, we have boy scouts coming through here on tours.” 05-06-03
• “The early bird might get the worm, but it’s the second mouse that gets the cheese.” Anonymous
• “Colleen can clip her toenails in one state and they can land in the other.” — Jason Weimar, referring to Colleen being on Stateline Avenue in Texarkana 04-24-03
• Tim Fletcher looking in a thesaurus: “What’s another word for sunshine?”
  David Paige: “Dave.” 04-24-03
• “You can kill two stones with one bird.” —Randy Bain, assignments manager 04-17-03
• “Wasn’t Old Yeller in The Sound of Music?” —Joe Haynes, meteorologist 04-15-03